Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize