i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
