Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
