You're my little dorito
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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