he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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