Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize