i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
