You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
