I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
