Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Enjoy the penises
i think i just lost a toe
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
