Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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