This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
