I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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