i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
