I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
