Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
