just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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