Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
