I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
