I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
