i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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