So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
