just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
