Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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