I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
