i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
