my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
