Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
