he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
