But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
