On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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