Just mADE A PArabola og urine
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
