You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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