hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I cut my penus on the lid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
