i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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