I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
