Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
