I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
