i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
