Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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