she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
