Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
