I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
