Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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