man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
