like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
