dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Screwed.edu
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
