Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
