I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
