i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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