dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize