The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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