Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
