Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Randomize
