if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
