He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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