found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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