Where is the hickey?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
